Noisie fell out of bed last night. Straight from the top-bunk to the floor. Luckily I was not quite in bed yet, just sitting on the edge, in my knickers.
I heard the thump, and while I ran to her room I think it vaguely occurred to me that she was ok because she was crying. It's the thumps that end in silence that you most fear.
But she was crying in that pitiful, not-properly-awake way which is so hard to comfort. I was scared to pick her up, because her arm was twisted out beneath her at an odd angle. Was it broken? I picked her up gently and sat on the bottom bunk, my arms around her, held her chest to my chest, told Mayday to go back to sleep.
Rocking gently (Are there any broken bones?)
Shhhhh shhhhhh (It's ok to cry)
It's ok... it's ok... you're ok now...
It hurts... yeah it hurts (Where? Where does it hurt?)
I put her back to bed, too soon, against my better judgment. (What does concussion look like? Is it dilated pupils? Or pinpoint? Could she die in her sleep? I'd never recover. Never.)
An hour later she was awake, crying. Her stomach hurt. She came to my room. I opened my sheets, tucked her in next to me, enveloping her.
Bill moves out (don't leave me! don't leave me alone with her!)
She's moaning (it's not right. Is she bleeding inside?)
Where does it hurt?
Where does it hurt?
I gently press her tummy.
owwwwwwwwwwwwwww
She pushes my hand away. So pale.
I go to get her a drink of water. She follows me down the hall. Falls down, lying on the floor.
owwwwwwwwwwwwwww she sobs, in that awful not-awake way
She lurches up, pulls a stool to the sink (oh sweet heart) and vomits into the sink, over last night's unwashed dishes.
It doesn't help.
It should help.
I tuck her into my bed again.
I pray. (Should I accept good from the Lord and not bad?)
(If He answers me, then will I not blame Him for all the others He doesn't answer? For all the babies that die in the night? Do I want Him to answer, if it means blaming Him?)
Please, God, I don't understand. Please just heal my baby. Please.
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8 comments:
Wow. That sounds really scary. Is she okay now? Nausea is a sign of concussion.
Yeah, she's fine. Jumped out of bed the next morning as if nothing had happened.
It was scary. Do you know what you're supposed to do for concussion?
I thought maybe you were supposed to watch them for sleepiness, but it was the middle of the night. I figured if I put her in bed with me then my maternal instincts would kick in and wake me up if something was wrong. Also, I was sleepy myself and not thinking straight. I had stupid thoughts like "If she dies then at least she knew she was in my arms and her last thoughts would be warm, cosy ones." Stupid, huh.
Wow, speaking as someone only marginally able to look after himself, let alone another person, SAAK is in awe, he would have freaked. Glad to hear all is okay.
i hadn't checked the comments and was about to say that the suspense was killing me when i saw this.
i suspect i would have gone ballistic and dragged her to the emergency room for nothing
I, too, am very glad to hear that all is well. Sounds like it was an absolutely horrific night, and I couldn't imagine what it'd be like for any parent.
I'm very thankful that everything's okay.
So does this mean God answered your prayer? And what did you decide, re: those final few questions?? ...
(Remember -- as a very wise philosopher once philosophised: "If God had a face, what would it look like, and would you want to see, if seeing meant that you would have to believe, in things like heaven, and in Jesus and the saints, and all the prophets, and yeah, yeah, etc." I think there's something in that for all of us. Mmmm.)
Hello Quirkie.
A propo nothing (I always think of Sheryl Crowe when I say that) above, would you like to link to my spin-off blog?
http://www.wildparrots.blogspot.com
Bevis: Yes, I think God answered my prayer. As for the final few questions... When things are going well, then I sit around with friends and deconstruct and discuss and debate all our unanswerable theological questions. It's interesting. But then there's times when all the unanswerables become irrelevant and I hang my hat on "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so."
Grumpster: Done :)
Just for future reference about concussions. I think you would have realised if a concussion had taken place because the child would have been a little limp limbed for about 10 mins so would not have been able to walk to the kitchen and been a bit more like a rag doll when picked up. If a concussion has taken place then sleep is what I find is the best solution and often after a concussion the sufferer will sleep longer than usual (up to 12 hours) as the body recovers. Although the best solution it also carries risk, as it is somewhat common to choke on your tongue in this state. If possible try and have the child sleep on their side and maybe watch for half an hour to make sure they are breathing regularly.
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