Friday, February 18, 2005

Haiku

Heart warbles at friend’s
email. A wattlebird mocks
inadvertently.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms Q

I visited again after a long break - like I said I would.

A poetic suggestion of not-inconsiderable arrogance (but your page does invite comments; in writing, even):

Heart warbles at friend’s
email. Inadvertently,
a wattlebird mocks.
Gives the 2nd line a pleasing ambiguity, I thought, most pleased with myself. Maybe moreso if punctuation is dispensed with.

We must swap stanzas sometime, properly.

love,
Dr Drew

Quirkie said...

Ah. Well spotted. Your version works much better. I only put "inadvertently" on the third line because it has 5 syllables... such is my naive facination with five and seven syllable words and sentences. Not much processing goes into these blog poems (notice that umbrella?) but I think I'll keep doing them this way. It forces me to not fret too much (cos, hey, it's a blog, it's supposed to be unprocessed) and actually let stuff go public before it's diva-perfect. Perhaps you might like to try it...? Either way, I always welcome your suggestions. We poets like, most of all, to be the topic of controvershal conversashun.